Fibbing happens. There are all sorts of situations where people tell little white lies. Usually it’s to keep the peace or to be polite and prevent someone’s feelings from being hurt. When you start telling fibs regularly to your significant other, however, you’re doing both your mate and yourself a disservice. So how can you tell if your fibbing has gotten out of control? If it has, what can you do to stop it?

It’s one thing to gloss over something hurtful with a fib, and something else entirely to gloss over everything with fibbing. A fib here or there to help boost your partner’s self esteem is acceptable. Say, for instance, that your mate gained ten pounds and has been complaining about how fat they look. It’s okay to say that you can’t tell they’ve gained any weight, even if you kind of can. It’s not okay to fib about things to make yourself look better, however. If you know your partner will be mad to discover that you tossed back five beers with your buddies after work, saying you only had one is unacceptable. If your partner finds out the truth, your lie to avoid a fight will get you into even more trouble. It may not seem like a huge thing to lie about, but your partner won’t see it that way. Do this more than once or twice, and you start to seem untrustworthy. Trust is a very important part of any relationship, particularly a romantic one. A lot of people think that only big lies or betrayals, like cheating or lying about your desire to have children, can damage a relationship. Yet repeated fibbing can be just as bad. A pattern of small lies can build up as much distrust as one or two big lies.

There are also benevolent white lies that can hurt you in the long run. If you pretend to enjoy that annoying or uncomfortable thing that your partner does to you in bed, you’re going to have to keep enduring it. Better to politely inform them that you prefer another move in their repertoire. If you lie early on and say that you love romantic comedies just to please your mate, you could end up having to watch romantic comedies together until you’re both old and gray. It’s better to learn how to be tactfully honest than to keep up the white lies. Imagine how hurt your sweetheart will be a few years from now when you cave and admit you don’t like that bed trick or film genre. They’ll be baffled that you felt the need to lie in the first place, and then they’ll wonder what else you weren’t honest with them about.

There’s a reason that sayings like “honesty is the best policy” and “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all” ring true. Better to be honest or remain silent than fib and sew the seeds of mistrust. If you’re in doubt as to whether you should be honest or not, put yourself in your significant other’s shoes. How would you feel if the situation was reversed? Odds are, you’d hope that he or she would feel comfortable being open and honest with you. Be truthful and show your mate the respect that he or she deserves. You may be surprised to find that your S.O. will return the favor.