Our modern lives are incredibly busy. During any given week, we’re typically overscheduled. We all get into the office early and leave late, and once we get home, we still have to do more work from our laptops. Thanks to smartphones, you can check your email pretty much anytime and anywhere, so your boss probably expects you to get back to him or her instantly—even when you’re on vacation. Throw in an attempt to have a social life and (if you’ve got them) kids, and making time for sex can seem like a chore.
How did it get this way? Did our parents have to pencil in fifteen minute blocks of time for coitus? Probably not, but that’s commonplace now days. The problem here isn’t just that we’re all having sex a lot less than we should—it’s also that scheduling sex in makes it feel perfunctory, like an obligation.
This is why it’s so very important to make time to take time. Sex isn’t meant to be something we rush through. Sex is something that should be savored and enjoyed. The next time you take your girlfriend or wife to bed, make a point to slow things down. Instead of worrying about getting it over with so you can get back to all of your other obligations, make a point to focus on the journey from start to finish.
Slow things down when it's time to mess up the sheets.
When it’s time to get busy, make an effort to slow things down from the get go. Don’t rush to take your clothes off as fast as possible—you’re not Clark Kent changing into his Superman costume! Undress each other slowly. Kiss each other and take the time to admire each other’s bodies. Take the time to engage in foreplay, and don’t rush through it! Savor the act of getting ready to have sex together.
Once it’s time to move onto sex, do so gently and slowly. Check in with yourself to keep from checking out altogether. If you start to think about work obligations or problems you’re having with your kids, put a stop to it. Look into your lady’s eyes and bring your mind back to the moment at hand. A huge part of slowing down is being present in the moment. The only exception to this is if you start to feel like you’re about to finish too soon. In that case, think about whatever it takes to put the brakes on—baseball, your action figure collection, that time your dog ate all that pizza and threw up on your bed, etc. Once you’re sure you can continue, though, get back to taking it slow.
Of course, once the deed has been done, that doesn’t give you license to speed things back up. Resist the urge to jump up and check your phone or throw your clothes back on and go run errands. Take the time to lounge around together. Even ten minutes of lying side by side and basking in the glow of having just had hot, intense, slowed down sex can be enough to make you appreciate each other just that much more.