The Supremes once sang that “love don’t come easy, it’s a game of give and take.” Perhaps nowhere is that statement more true than in the bedroom. When one person in the relationship seems to be doing all of the work, and the other person is consistently on the receiving end, trouble starts to bubble up.
There are many ways that one partner can be left in the dust, and, unfortunately, guys are often the guilty party. Maybe you’ve been skipping out on foreplay out of laziness, resulting in orgasms for you, but none for your lady. Maybe your girlfriend or wife pleasures you orally on a fairly frequent basis, while you avoid going down on her because you don’t think it’s very enjoyable. No matter the scenario, if you’re shirking your share of the “work,” your partner is going to start feeling awfully resentful toward you.
Right about now, you might be thinking that it doesn’t really matter, because your girlfriend or wife doesn’t really seem to be complaining. You’re still getting to enjoy yourself, and maybe she doesn’t care, right? Keep up your bad habit of laziness, though, and you can bet your fun will start tapering off. Either your lady will assert herself and start complaining, or she’ll just cut back on providing you with all of the good stuff until you’re not getting anything at all. That, of course, won’t be good for anyone involved.
A little give and take can bring you both closer together.
That’s why it’s important to pull your weight when it comes to sex. Next time your lady-friend wakes you up on a Saturday morning with a little trip down there, pay her back in kind. When she’s done, tell her to lie back, and then you should return the favor. Make a point to even the score, and you will be appreciated for it.
Of course, what if your wife or girlfriend is the one who has gotten lazy? How can you broach the subject without starting a fight? For one thing, try straight up asking. In a non-accusatory manner, try saying something along the lines of “I’m glad you enjoyed X, now do you think I could have a turn? It’s been awhile, and you know how much I love it when you do Y for me.” Note that making a point to flatter your lady’s skills here can only help you out. Nothing makes someone want to do something more than having the recipient make over how awesome they are at it.
If flattering and asking don’t get you anywhere, then you’re just going to have to have a discussion about the unevenness of your sex life. Pick a time when you’re both feeling pretty good (but not right before or after sex), and mention that you feel like things have gotten one-sided when it comes to sex. Calmly explain that you’re sure it’s not intentional, and ask if there’s anything wrong. Maybe your partner is stressed out or exhausted and just hasn’t been feeling like herself. Explain that you’re not mad in any way, but that you’d like to work with her to get back into a mutual groove.
If, by the way, you’re the one who’s guilty of slacking, do your mate a favor and hear her out on this topic. If she brings it up, make sure to listen respectfully and really think about your lack of effort of late. Is there something wrong on your end? Promise to make more of an effort, but ask for her patience if exhaustion or stress is at the root of your problem. In the end, if both of you are willing to work together, you’ll get back on track and start loving sex just as much as you did back when you first started having it together.
If you’ve got a girlfriend or a wife, you’re probably a pretty big fan of seeing her naked. Her body might not be perfect, but that doesn’t mean you don’t love looking at it whenever you get the chance to do so. Yet your lady probably feels like her body has room for improvement, and that can make her feel nervous when it’s time to remove her clothes and get down to business. The last thing you want is for her to be too distracted by her body issues to enjoy sex with you, so you need to help make sure she feels beautiful.
It may seem silly to guys that so many women are so fretful over their appearance. Take a look around you, though—women are bombarded with images of impeccable looking actresses and models every day. Magazines are filled with photos of beautiful women who’ve been airbrushed to look even more beautiful. Actresses in movies have entire teams of people who drill them at the gym, cook them healthy food, dress them, make-up them, perfectly style their hair, and then make sure they’re lit amazingly when the camera starts rolling. Women see all of this and feel that they’ll never be able to measure up.
When your girlfriend or wife is feeling down on her body, and it comes time to bare it all for sex, it can be hard for her not to let her anxieties about her appearance keep her from feeling sexy. This is why it’s so important for you to give your gal positive reinforcement. Make sure that she knows just how beautiful and sexy you think she really is.
Tell her what you love about her, and she'll show you even more affection.
Compliment your lady often enough, and she won’t be able to keep from feeling more and more sexy with each day. This doesn’t mean that you have to compliment her body alone. You can also tell her how beautiful her eyes or her hair are. You know those quiet moments when you look over and think “man, her butt looks great in those jeans,” or “wow, I love when she shows off her legs”? Stop keeping those thoughts to yourself. Make a point to tell her exactly what you love about her.
When you point out things you love about your wife or girlfriend, she’ll start to feel more confident about herself. Moreover, she’ll really know that you’re turned on by her. Knowing that you want her will make her feel sexier, which means she’ll be more into sex than ever before. You don’t just have to limit your compliments to her looks, either. Let her know that you value her for more than just her hot bod, and she’ll really appreciate it. Tell her how funny you think she is, or how you’re blown away by her intelligence. Women just need to be told things from time to time so that they know you’re still as excited by them now as you were the first time you went out.
Ultimately, flattery really will get you everywhere, as long as it’s genuine. It’s such a simple concept, really. Just tell your lady all of the things you love about her, and you’ll be rewarded with big smiles and hotter sex than ever before.
Our modern lives are incredibly busy. During any given week, we’re typically overscheduled. We all get into the office early and leave late, and once we get home, we still have to do more work from our laptops. Thanks to smartphones, you can check your email pretty much anytime and anywhere, so your boss probably expects you to get back to him or her instantly—even when you’re on vacation. Throw in an attempt to have a social life and (if you’ve got them) kids, and making time for sex can seem like a chore.
How did it get this way? Did our parents have to pencil in fifteen minute blocks of time for coitus? Probably not, but that’s commonplace now days. The problem here isn’t just that we’re all having sex a lot less than we should—it’s also that scheduling sex in makes it feel perfunctory, like an obligation.
This is why it’s so very important to make time to take time. Sex isn’t meant to be something we rush through. Sex is something that should be savored and enjoyed. The next time you take your girlfriend or wife to bed, make a point to slow things down. Instead of worrying about getting it over with so you can get back to all of your other obligations, make a point to focus on the journey from start to finish.
Slow things down when it's time to mess up the sheets.
When it’s time to get busy, make an effort to slow things down from the get go. Don’t rush to take your clothes off as fast as possible—you’re not Clark Kent changing into his Superman costume! Undress each other slowly. Kiss each other and take the time to admire each other’s bodies. Take the time to engage in foreplay, and don’t rush through it! Savor the act of getting ready to have sex together.
Once it’s time to move onto sex, do so gently and slowly. Check in with yourself to keep from checking out altogether. If you start to think about work obligations or problems you’re having with your kids, put a stop to it. Look into your lady’s eyes and bring your mind back to the moment at hand. A huge part of slowing down is being present in the moment. The only exception to this is if you start to feel like you’re about to finish too soon. In that case, think about whatever it takes to put the brakes on—baseball, your action figure collection, that time your dog ate all that pizza and threw up on your bed, etc. Once you’re sure you can continue, though, get back to taking it slow.
Of course, once the deed has been done, that doesn’t give you license to speed things back up. Resist the urge to jump up and check your phone or throw your clothes back on and go run errands. Take the time to lounge around together. Even ten minutes of lying side by side and basking in the glow of having just had hot, intense, slowed down sex can be enough to make you appreciate each other just that much more.
