After a string of hot and cold short-term romances, are you finally looking for a serious relationship? Once you have sown your wild oats, it's natural to want to settle down into the comfort and security that comes with the commitment of a serious relationship. The difference between a fling and a serious relationship can bring a contentment that no one-night stand can equal. Granted, you must commit yourself to the relationship and your partner, which means no more playing the field. The good news is, the variety that you are giving up, is a fair trade off for the advantages of commitment.
- A Chance to Be You: A serious relationship that has survived the fling stage, means you are settled enough to stop trying to make a good impression all the time. You and your partner have already discovered a few flaws in each other and it didn't dissolve the relationship. In fact, often it cements it. Commitment means letting your hair down, getting comfortable and enjoying the freedom to be yourself.
- Common Goals: When you're in a serious relationship, it's natural to want more, and this is generally true for both halves of the couple. Since you both have your hearts on the line, it stands to reason you both want to make it work. This leads to commonality in goals and ambitions for the relationship. If you love someone, you won't feel good having them spend their last dollar trying to impress you. Stability in the relationships naturally means stability in your personal habits and interactions too. So it's okay to spend a Friday night watching a tv movie instead of going to a night club. In fact, at this stage, it's usually welcomed!
- The Pressure is OFF: Every relationship comes with a certain amount of pressure. Even couples who've been married for forty years occasionally feel a certain amount of necessity to please their spouse. However, this weight comes from a desire to please their partner (or possibly avoid annoying their partner), and it gently replaces the "must be absolutely fabulous all the time" burden. Early in relationships, people feel the need to be "on" constantly, but as the relationship matures and couples gain confidence in both partner's feelings the pressure subsides, allowing each person to let their hair down, relax and be true to themselves.
It's not uncommon for both men and women to run away when a relationship starts to become serious. The fact is, as the relationship grows, so does the enjoyment and satisfaction that comes from it. There is no reason to run from vulnerability, since it replaces the shallowness and pretense of early relationships. Serious relationships allow people to grow, both as a couple and as individuals. So, if you are looking for a serious relationship, you must be prepared to shed that outer shell and give a little of what's inside. It is truly the only way you will experience the depth and wonderment that comes when you are close enough to another, that you can just be yourself.
Do you think it's impossible to find a dating introduction that works? I must say, I've been around the block a time or two myself, and I can understand where you are coming from. I was never into the bar scene anyway, and I lived in a small town, so the singles scene was pretty limited for anyone who forgoes the party life. I got lucky and met my husband at work. However, in this politically and socially sensitive era, more companies are endorsing strict HR policies to prevent fraternising among co-workers. The simple act of flirting with a colleague could potentially be construed as sexual harassment, inappropriate conduct or some other such nightmare.
So what's a single guy or gal to do? I recently had time to catch up with my Uncle out west, who told me he met his current girlfriend of over a year via an online dating sight. He swears by it. This got me thinking, and I realized that my husband's brother met his wife through eharmony. Said wife joined eharmony based on the recommendation of a friend of hers who had experienced romantic success on the site.
Well, maybe there is something to this online dating thing…?
It's a great big modern world. We download, text and email our way through friendships and family relations. Thumb typing is soon to rival keyboarding in popularity, and if you can't find it on Google, it probably doesn't exist. We have e-mail, e-commerce, e-banking, e-shops and e-careers. It's really not that surprising that e-dating has taken over the singles scene.
It's a testament to our revolutionary embrace of the world wide web, that online dating has hit the mainstream in such a profound and meaningful manner. The old stigmas and notions that were at one time associated with newspaper classifieds and personal ads are rarely associated with online dating sites. In fact, just the opposite is true. People are proud to tell anyone and everyone how they met their sweetheart through sites like eharmony. Moreover, they give ringing endorsements and encourage non-believers to give it a try!
So what's up with online dating? Clearly, it works. There are dating sites catering to every religion, race, special interest, career or geographical region. These websites offer more than just a 60-word description to attract potential dates, they offer a place for the single guy or girl to introduce themselves. Clearly one of the biggest advantages to online dating, is you get to fill out your profile according to what you are actually looking for, rather than the qualities your friends and family think you "should" be looking for.
Another great thing about the online scene: you can meet all kinds of people without ever saying hello. It's true. Browsing profiles can be compared to chatting up strangers in a bar. A little banter to find out the basics, and if nothing strikes your interest, you merely move on. Online profiles for singles give you the basics to review without any awkwardness or shyness. No need to politely disengage from a boring conversation about the opera, if you prefer Nirvana. When you do find that special someone you just have to know more about, the next step is just a click away!
The simple fact is this, happy couples would never brag about meeting through online dating sites unless they've had a great experience, which, in the case of singles looking for love, means a dating introduction that works!
If you are looking for a date, you likely don't have to look very far. Casual encounters are around every corner…at the water cooler, in line at the grocery store, even at the coffee shop. It is a myth to believe you can only look for a date at singles clubs. Potential dates are everywhere; you only have to open your eyes to the possibilities.
My sister once went on a date with a guy whom she met waiting for an ABM to be repaired. My cousin met her husband when his dog got off the leash and dug up the flowers in her front yard. Circumstantial meetings are all around us, and those willing to seize the opportunity go from looking for dates to finding dates.
- Make Small Talk Count: How many times have you been standing in line and casually chatted up the person next to you? This is especially true of women, who are quite comfortable striking up a conversation in line. How much information can you get from small talk with a total stranger? Usually, quite a bit. References to work, social activities, or family usually dominate the conversation. (Gentlemen, take note: if a nice woman is engaging you in conversation, be pleasant and responsive.) Before you rush off, why not get your new friend's name and phone number; maybe arrange to meet for coffee sometime?
- The Friend of a Friend of a Friend: Everyone's had that twenty-second introduction while on your way to or from somewhere else. The funny thing is, once you have been introduced, you may notice that person from time to time within your circle. Perhaps at the mall, the diner or even the gas station. This gives you the perfect chance to expand on the introduction so you have more than just a nodding acquaintance. Openers are easy, even if you forget the name (which, in this case, is perfectly excusable). Therefore, the next time you see that "friend of so and so", reintroduce yourself properly and get that small talk going.
- Stop Saying No to Everyone: Believe it or not, there are single men and women out there right this minute, who complain that they cannot find a date, and then reject every possibility. These people find fault and excuses not to date absolutely everybody. Too thin, too short, too old, too young, too tanned, too rich, too poor…it's always something. If you are one of these people, you need to learn how to take a little risk once in a while. Why not fill out an online dating profile and have at least one date with everyone who is a match to you! Seriously, once you get past your own insecurities and stop making excuses, you will be amazed at what a good time you can have and what fabulous people are out there for you! Not every date will be perfect, but at least you'll have plans for Saturday nights.
When it comes to looking for a date, the best thing you can do is keep an open mind and be proactive. A positive attitude is all it takes to turn a chance encounter with a total stranger into a fun filled evening for two!
