If you are afraid to fall in love, you are not alone. Even if you have only been seriously hurt once in a relationship, you might not be able to get over it or trust someone else. But there is no reason to be afraid once you have found someone who truly deserves to be able to see you for who you really are. Once you gain back your confidence and broken spirit, you will be able to enjoy a pure, honest relationship.
Understand Why You Were Hurt
It is not your fault that someone has hurt you. But it is still important to understand the situation from the other person's point of view. You are a wonderful, lovable person, and you know it. Your last boyfriend might simply have seen things in a different way.
There is a good chance that you expected to much of someone who was simply not able to provide for you. Maybe you wanted more from a guy who just was never taught to treat a woman right. Maybe he just had no intentions of settling down. The truth is, your separation was the best thing that could have ever happened to you.
Recognize the mistakes you might have made in the past. Perhaps you were too clingy, or controlling. It is natural to have some disappointments and errors in past relationships. Don't mull over them or allow yourself to be too sad. Learn from your mistakes and develop yourself to be a better girlfriend for someone who is more deserving and compatible.
Stay Single
You might need some time to learn how to love yourself again. Remind yourself of your best features. Remember how special and unique you are. If your last boyfriend was verbally abuse or insulted you, forget everything he has said to make you feel bad about yourself.
Rushing into another relationship might make you feel dependent on someone else to make you feel better about your last relationship. It is okay to find someone who makes you feel happy. But they should not have a role of keeping you from feeling sad.
Location, Location!
Wild clubs are often a bad place to meet guys. If you met your last boyfriend in a place full of people looking to get drunk and have one-night stands, it should not come as too much of a surprise if he turned out to be a cheater or a liar. It is very rare to find a good guy in clubs and bars.
Instead, try to find a guy in the daytime. Community centers, church groups, and gyms are good places to meet new people during the day, when you can see their true colors. You are also more likely to find someone who has common interests with you.
Take Your Time
When you do find the next lucky guy, take things slow and take a good look at how you are feeling. If at any time you realize that you are not benefiting from the relationship, consider breaking up. Do not force yourself to be more open than you want to be, and remain comfortable with yourself.
"Strive to do something new and romantic at least once a week."
After years or even just months of being with someone you love, you might worry that you will one day run out of things to talk about. Chances are, however, your love will either grow or fade as time goes on. It does take some work to keep a relationship engaging, but it is more than worth it.
Don't Do Too Much At Once
You do not need to tell your new partner all of your secrets and childhood memories in the first few months of dating them. There is nothing wrong with keeping a few details to yourself. Being open and honest will enhance intimacy. But being too open can take all of the excitement out of the relationship.
There are a ton of great things you can do with your partner. You can go mountain-climbing, jet-skiing, and so much more. But making all of these exciting plans in one month will leave you at a loss for ideas. Strive to do something new once a week or every two weeks, depending on how often you see your partner. You will find that you never run out of ideas.
The same goes for sex. While the speed at which you discover your partner sexually depends on your own personal morals and ideals, taking it a little more slowly than you normally might will make your relationship more exciting. Many great relationships do start as one-night stands, but in most cases you should pace yourself.
Let Your Partner Take Over
Instead of looking for new things to talk about and do with your partner, give them a chance to impress you. You will learn a lot more about them if you simply listen to their ideas about what to do next. This is also the best way to stay on the same page. Taking time to really listen is the best way to show you care.
Sometimes, your significant other will want to do things that you will not be very interested in. Going to a wrestling match or a jazz concert might not be your idea of a good time, but making sacrifices will be worthwhile. This will also give you a chance to see your partner in their own environment. It is a good idea to know how your boyfriend acts in a sports bar with his buddies, for example.
Take Time Apart
Having your own hobbies and interests will allow you to develop as an individual while you are in a relationship. So long as you are able to balance your time between being apart and together, you will be able to feel as though you have a life outside the relationship, while still feeling connected.
By no means is it healthy to take breaks from the relationship altogether. Some really great relationships do withstand multiple breakups, but it can really strain your sense of trust and stability. If you find yourself in a situation where you keep breaking up and getting back together, try taking a long, hard look at whether or not you are benefiting from the situation.
By saving some surprises and allowing your partner to take the wheel at times, you will be able to keep a relationship strong and exciting for many years to come. Never forget that sense of attraction that you felt on your first date.
"Build self esteem with a makeover."
Knowing who you are and appreciating your best qualities is the first step to finding that true, honest love. Your relationships will suffer if you do not take the time to know yourself and accept yourself. Gaining a healthy sense of self esteem will be the best thing you can ever do for yourself.
Improving your outward appearance can help you feel more beautiful, inside and out. While physical appearance is not nearly as important as intellect or charm, it is easier to alter. Try a new haircut, or experiment with clothing styles. While some features might not be easily changed, such as weight, accepting and accommodating these features can help you look and feel your best. Avoid clothing that is too tight or revealing; instead, go for something that is more sophisticated and mysterious.
You should present yourself in a way that is flattering and respectful. If you normally wear sweatpants when you do grocery shopping, try wearing jeans and a decent casual top. You might meet someone anywhere you go, and dressing presentably will give you a head start to making a good first impression.
Know Your Personality
It is important to know both what is good about your personality and what could change. Learn to admit that you might be overbearing or too quiet, and gradually work yourself out of these habits. It can take a long time to change bad habits and communicate more effectively with others, but it will happen.
On the other hand, if you know you are fun to be around, do not let anyone tell you otherwise. Embrace your positives and do not deny yourself the recognition you deserve because of them. It is far too easy to focus on your flaws and forget about just how lovable and endearing you truly are.
A big DON'T would be to change yourself to try to gain approval from whoever you are talking to. When you meet someone who is worth dating, you will not have to hide who you truly are in any way. Besides, it would not be much fun to try to date someone who does not know the real you.
Worry Less
Everyone goes through the experience of saying one "bad" thing and being embarrassed about it for far too long. Chances are, the other person will not even remember, so the best thing to do is to change the subject or just move on in the conversation. A person is much more likely to notice the enjoyable parts of the conversation.
Your biggest critic is yourself. The more comfortable you are with yourself, the more confident you will be. When you improve your self esteem, you will feel lovable no matter what you are wearing or how many awkward moments you have.
