You find yourself in a new city, whether it was for work, for school, or just for the heck of it. And while living in a new place has its perks (the ability to “start over” and to learn new things), it can also bring you loneliness. Here are some tips for finding a girlfriend in a new city.
The first thing you will need to know is that one rarely meets his or her mate without ever leaving home. You will have to socialize and put yourself out there. If you’re shy, this may be challenging at first. However, the more you get used to it, the easier it will become. Remember that no one knows you are shy until you act shy, so just pretend you are extroverted. With time, it will come more naturally.
How do you meet a mate when you barely know the area? Think about the places that are common to anywhere you go: libraries, museums, performance art facilities, etc. Figure out the name of these places (or just Google your city name and “library”), then sign up on their mailing list. Right away, you will be informed of upcoming events, from which you can decide what appeals to you. Remember, you can’t meet that special someone unless you try.
Another mailing list to join could be a charity organization. Are there any causes about which you feel strongly? Do you want to help in the fight against cancer? A simple Internet search will help you find charities in your city. While these get-togethers are for a greater cause, they are also a good place to meet others with interests like your own.
Hobbies are generally seen as the best way to meet your mate. They are, by nature, social gatherings in which you can get to know others with your same interests. Do you like working out, cooking, or dancing? Check your local recreation center for their offered courses in physical fitness, haute cuisine, or ballroom dancing. Rec centers are common in nearly every city, generally have low course costs, and bring together a variety of people.
A recent trend which has made dating in a new city easier is the creation of singles-directed websites. Nearly every large or metropolitan city has an associated singles website, such as SingleInDenver.com or GetWichitaSingles.com (or even your local Craigslist personals section). The Internet has certainly made dating more convenient. However, while you may be lulled into the comfortable anonymity of the Internet, don’t substitute it for a genuine social life.
Finally, think about places you visit anyways, then look at how you can get more involved. Do you go to church every week? Ask around to see if they have events for single members. How about through your work or school? Does anyone participate in happy hours or other social gatherings? Make yourself open and willing for love, and it will find you.
Because of its convenience, anonymity, and instant results, online dating has become the norm. Couples who might have never met otherwise are finding soul mates in unexpected ways. Leading the pack of internet daters is eHarmony: a fun website which means serious business.
Where other dating websites are built on a premise of profit (for example, Gary Kremen—founder of Match.com—was looking to start an advertising company; Markus Frink—founder of PlentyOfFish.com—found that he could make serious bucks using Adsense), eHarmony is based on one of science. Rick Clark Warren, the founder, is a psychologist who spent over 35 years, studying relationships and marriages. He discovered that certain traits and shared characteristics could predict compatibility between a couple, ensuring a happier and longer lasting marriage. He set out to create a website that would not only bring people together, but would make sure they were well-matched before they ever saw the first date.
So what can a new user expect? Upon your first visit to eHarmony, you will take an extensive compatibility test. This will analyze who you are: personality, values, intellect, emotional stability, interaction style, and more. The idea behind this test is not to match interests with potential mate, but to match who you are. Warren found that the most successful relationships were those in which the couple shared commonalities in the most essential aspects of their beings (known on eHarmony as the “29 dimensions of personality”).
After the compatibility test has been examined, you will receive your analysis. You will then begin receiving matches, which you must review individually before you can receive the next set. Paired with the extensive starting process, this serves as a way to sift through those who are serious about a potential relationship and those who are just joining for “kicks”.
One benefit, which may seem like a drawback initially, is eHarmony’s lack of a search engine. Unlike other sites, you cannot look for your mate—you can only wait for them to be hand-delivered. Yet, this process makes sense: users are not able to judge potential mates solely by appearances. This takes away the superficiality that so often rules the dating world.
But does this work? Can people really meet their soul mates by filling out a questionnaire and relying on a combination of fate and science? Apparently so. A recent study performed by Dr. Steve Carter, eHarmony’s research director, concluded that “90% of eHarmony couples had marriage quality scores which were above average when compared to couples who had begun their relationships elsewhere.”
So it would seem that, not only can science and fate co-exist, they can actually prove beneficial to one another. Click here for Registration.
It’s Friday night. You’re at a bar with your girlfriends, drinking martinis and talking. Everywhere you look, good-looking men are standing with their own friends, laughing and looking around the room. No wedding bands that you can see. You want to make a connection. You’re hoping one of them will spot you among this room full of beautiful, available women and make a move, right?
Don’t wait for a man to pick you out of the crowd. Take the initiative! If you see a man you want to get to know, go talk to him. Strike up a conversation: ask him what he’s drinking, challenge him to a game of pool, or ask if he knows of any parties going on. For the shy girls, catch his eye, hold it for five seconds, smile, then look away. Do this a second time within a minute or two. These actions will go a long way in grabbing a man’s attention. Not only is this a good way to stand out in a crowd, but your self-confidence will shine like a beacon in the dim room.
If these things make you blush just thinking about it, take the easy road: play wingman to your more outgoing friend. The wingman’s goal is to help his or her friend in securing the person they are after, whether that is by talking about how great your friend is, entertaining the man’s friends so he can focus on your friend, or just by being there for support. In doing so, you have the option of getting to know the men without the pressure of trying to run the show yourself.
However, the most important way to ensure you draw men to you is to have a good time. No matter how beautiful a woman may be, if she scowls and pouts, she’s not likely to attract a man (or if she does, he will likely be turned off by her attitude shortly thereafter). I’ve heard attractive women complain time and time again, “I never get hit on at the bar!” Many times, it is because they give off a vibe that they are bored, disinterested, or just plain snobby. On the flip side, I have met women who were not considered as conventionally attractive as the others. Yet, their approachable, effervescent personalities drew men like moths to their bright spark.
Enjoy the night with your girlfriends, make jokes, smile, laugh, have a good time. You’ll come off as approachable and fun, and that is what men want when they go out with friends. Remember that you’ll have fun whether you meet a man or not. Your night out is first and foremost about hanging out and having a good time, right? Men are attracted to that self-assuredness that you will be happy whether they are around or not. Don’t rely on that possible connection to make or break your evening. That attitude is what will attract a man to you.
