Let’s face it—when our clothes come off, very few of us look like gorgeous, air-brushed underwear models. Yet society does a pretty great job of convincing women the world over that they have to look as close to perfect as possible to be considered hot. Even gorgeous and successful actresses get criticized in tabloids if the tiniest bit of cellulite shows up on their thighs. When you feel as though your body more than pales in comparison to them, getting undressed for sex can be a truly dreadful experience.
So what can you do about it, short of undertaking a painstaking diet and an overly-intense workout regimen? After all, in a world where we’re bombarded with overly retouched photos of perfect-looking women who get paid to stay in great shape, it can be almost impossible to feel as though we measure up. With that in mind, the first thing you have to do is work to have a more realistic body image. Remind yourself over and over of all of those models’ and actresses’ insane exercise commitments, of their crazily strict diets, and the fact that they usually STILL have to be airbrushed in their photos despite all of their hard work. Then look around you—most of the other women in this world are perfectly imperfect, too, and plenty of them are happily engaging in sex on a regular basis.
There’s nothing wrong with trying to stay fit of course. Regular exercise and eating right keeps you healthier, and when you’re in good health, you have more energy and a better sex drive. In fact, even a few of weeks of healthier eating and working out can give you a confidence boost, because you’ll appreciate the strength and appeal of your body a little more. Just don’t make a perfect body your goal. Instead, make valuing your body for its uniqueness and usefulness your focus. Get in touch with your body, flaws and all.
You'll have no need for cute lingerie once you learn to appreciate the beauty of your own body.
Once you’ve checked in and reminded yourself that no woman is completely flaw-free, you need to get realistic about what men find attractive. Sure, a lot of men think those aforementioned famous beauties are pretty hot, but they also happen to appreciate a lot of different kinds of beauty. There are plenty of men who like their women curvier, or with smaller breasts, or with a soft belly as opposed to rock hard abs. Some men like bigger butts, some like long legs, and some like short, petite women. Furthermore, most men appreciate that each woman they’re attracted to has her own little differences from the last one.
In fact, if you’re on your way to getting into bed with a guy, odds are pretty good that he finds you attractive already. He’s not going to recoil from you the minute he sees that your inner thighs are a little flabbier than your jeans let on. Not only are guys far more forgiving than we are about our own appearances, but many of them won’t even notice your perceived imperfections. That’s because most guys are just really, really thrilled that you’re letting them have sex with you in the first place. They’re going to zero in on all of your hottest features and the pleasure of getting you between the sheets.
Here’s something else you should consider. While your guy is getting all excited about doing the deed, he’s probably not giving a second thought to his own love handles, hairy back, or skinny arms. You owe it to yourself to be as equally forgiving. If you’re too busy worrying about your supposed flab or purported lack of curves, you won’t let go and give yourself over to the pleasure of the moment. So take a cue from the guys and say to hell with it! Take off all your clothes, leave the lights on, and put all of your energy into satisfying yourself and your partner. The more you work at forgetting about your body flaws, the better you’ll get at it. That means better sex for you and your partner.
Fibbing happens. There are all sorts of situations where people tell little white lies. Usually it’s to keep the peace or to be polite and prevent someone’s feelings from being hurt. When you start telling fibs regularly to your significant other, however, you’re doing both your mate and yourself a disservice. So how can you tell if your fibbing has gotten out of control? If it has, what can you do to stop it?
It’s one thing to gloss over something hurtful with a fib, and something else entirely to gloss over everything with fibbing. A fib here or there to help boost your partner’s self esteem is acceptable. Say, for instance, that your mate gained ten pounds and has been complaining about how fat they look. It’s okay to say that you can’t tell they’ve gained any weight, even if you kind of can. It’s not okay to fib about things to make yourself look better, however. If you know your partner will be mad to discover that you tossed back five beers with your buddies after work, saying you only had one is unacceptable. If your partner finds out the truth, your lie to avoid a fight will get you into even more trouble. It may not seem like a huge thing to lie about, but your partner won’t see it that way. Do this more than once or twice, and you start to seem untrustworthy. Trust is a very important part of any relationship, particularly a romantic one. A lot of people think that only big lies or betrayals, like cheating or lying about your desire to have children, can damage a relationship. Yet repeated fibbing can be just as bad. A pattern of small lies can build up as much distrust as one or two big lies.
There are also benevolent white lies that can hurt you in the long run. If you pretend to enjoy that annoying or uncomfortable thing that your partner does to you in bed, you’re going to have to keep enduring it. Better to politely inform them that you prefer another move in their repertoire. If you lie early on and say that you love romantic comedies just to please your mate, you could end up having to watch romantic comedies together until you’re both old and gray. It’s better to learn how to be tactfully honest than to keep up the white lies. Imagine how hurt your sweetheart will be a few years from now when you cave and admit you don’t like that bed trick or film genre. They’ll be baffled that you felt the need to lie in the first place, and then they’ll wonder what else you weren’t honest with them about.
There’s a reason that sayings like “honesty is the best policy” and “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all” ring true. Better to be honest or remain silent than fib and sew the seeds of mistrust. If you’re in doubt as to whether you should be honest or not, put yourself in your significant other’s shoes. How would you feel if the situation was reversed? Odds are, you’d hope that he or she would feel comfortable being open and honest with you. Be truthful and show your mate the respect that he or she deserves. You may be surprised to find that your S.O. will return the favor.
If you look in the dictionary, you’ll find that the word “aphrodisiac” means a food, drink, drug or other agent that arouses sexual desire. Do such foods and beverages actually exist? Throughout the ages, certain edibles have gotten a reputation for being aphrodisiacs. Which foods and drinks, if any, should you work into your meal for an extra sexy and romantic dinner date? Science and superstition can help you decide.
There are several foods and beverages commonly thought of as aphrodisiacs, including oysters, caviar, bananas, chocolate, truffles, spicy peppers, and champagne. There is a little science supporting the claims made in relation to some of these reputed aphrodisiacs. Oysters and caviar both contain high levels of zinc, a nutrient that figures prominently in the production of testosterone and making sure that a guy’s little swimmers are healthy. Pine nuts, also thought to be an aphrodisiac by some cultures, are also high in zinc. Bananas actually contain an enzyme called bromelain that has been shown to enhance performance in men, though their phallic shape and rich texture were what initially caused people to call them aphrodisiacs. Chocolate has been repeatedly studied, and scientists think there are some good reasons to consider it an aphrodisiac. Chocolate contains both serotonin, the feel-good chemical that increases when people are in love, and anandamide. Both of these neurotransmitters increase in our brains to cause feelings of joy and euphoria during sex, so eating chocolate can only further boost those sensations.
Other foods have been deemed aphrodisiacs for superstitious reasons. Spicy peppers are thought to be an aphrodisiac because they make you feel warmer and increase your heart rate, not unlike how your body acts while in the midst of intercourse. That makes sense, but eat too many spicy foods, and you’ll be too distracted by your stomach troubles to care about sex. Truffles have long been considered an aphrodisiac merely because their intense flavor helps to arouse your palate. The theory is that anything which wakes up your taste buds might wake up some other parts of your body, as well. Champagne also warms you up, lowers your inhibitions, and makes you feel giddy and blissful, similar to your body’s reaction during sex. Wine and other alcoholic beverages behave similarly, but if you go overboard, you’ll be more likely to pass out than get busy.
So, should you include any of these aphrodisiacs in your next romantic dinner? Go for it. A few oysters and a couple of glasses of champagne couldn’t hurt. Besides, you might experience a sort of foodie placebo effect. Just talking about the possible aphrodisiac qualities of the food at dinner might get you both in the mood. A lot of these foods also have the potential to be enjoyed in a rather sexy manner. Feeding each other bits of delicious banana dipped in chocolate fondue will probably get more than just your taste buds going. Just don’t overdo it on the alcohol or eat until you’re too full to move. Enjoy the food and drink in moderation, and you and your mate just might end the night with maximum pleasure.
