Sex isn’t the only important part of a healthy relationship, but it is an integral one. In fact, to illustrate this point, let’s consider the following scenario:

You’ve found a new guy, and he’s pretty wonderful. He’s smart, he makes you laugh, he’s cute, and he’s even got a good job. Everything seems perfect, so you decide it’s time to take the next step and sleep together. When the big moment arrives, though, it’s hardly magical. Things are awkward and it’s a big let-down for you.

Be honest with yourself—after that awful first time, what would you do? Would you decide that everything else outweighs the bad sex and just try to muddle through? Would you consider breaking it off because the sex seemed too terrible to recover from? The truth is that you don’t necessarily have to take either of those two routes. In fact, if you handle the situation cleverly and help him improve his skills early on, things could be looking up in no time flat.

First and foremost, don’t immediately write off a guy you like just because the very first time you sleep together goes poorly. After all, maybe your new guy just got a bad case of the nerves or over excitement. With that in mind, consider at least giving him a second chance. Maybe round number two will go infinitely better than the first, and you’ll realize that you were too quick to judge him.

Don't let a bad first time get you down.

On the other hand, if your second time starts to go the same way as the first, that’s when you need to take control. What is it that’s bothering you? Is he too rough or in too much of a rush to get to the main event? Speak up! Muster your sexiest voice and suggest that you take it slower, or volunteer to get on top so you can have more control over the pacing and roughness. Just remember never to be critical or snarky. Guide him and use positive reinforcement.

If showing him what you want during the act doesn’t improve things, you might want to talk to him about the issues you’re having. This is especially true if you can tell that he’s not having much fun, either, or that he can tell you’re not enjoying yourself. The time to bring up your bed-related issues isn’t right after you’ve finished having sex, however. Casually bring it up the next morning during breakfast, or when you’re chilling out together in the afternoon.

Again, don’t be accusatory or start lecturing him.  Instead, just bring up the topic of sex in general. If there’s anything that he’s doing right, be sure to mention it. It always helps when you can say “I really love the way you kiss me, but I was thinking maybe next time around we could try slowing things down.” Nothing softens the blow of a suggestion to try something different like an honest compliment.

Of course, there’s no reason to be a glutton for punishment. If you try your best to improve things, but the sex just keeps letting you down, you need to be realistic. Accept that maybe you two work in a lot of other ways, but you’re just not compatible when it comes to sex. That means it might be time to move on. Hopefully it never comes to that, though. Odds are good that your new guy just needs a little patience and guidance, and you’ll both be thoroughly enjoying sex together before you know it.