There’s a reason that Salt N’ Pepa wrote a hit song about it—eventually there comes a time in every relationship when you have to talk about sex.  Maybe you haven’t had sex yet and you need to have the big discussion about playing it safe, or maybe you’re having issues in the sack that you need to discuss. Regardless, you can’t be afraid to bring up the topic with your girlfriend or spouse. With a little planning and a few of the techniques put forth here, you can take the awkwardness and unease out of the sex talk.

First thing’s first—stop stressing out about it. You’re hardly the first person that’s had to broach the topic of sex with your partner. If you build it up to be something bigger than it really is, you’ll only make yourself more nervous about it. Instead, remind yourself that you’re about to have this conversation with a person you really care about, who also happens to care a lot about you. Secondly, keep in mind that, while talking about something so personal might feel awkward for you, your girlfriend or wife might not feel all that uncomfortable about it. In fact, once you get talking, she may put you completely at ease. Framing this conversation as a best-case scenario can help you get up the nerve to start talking.

Planning ahead can also be extremely helpful. Think about everything you want to talk about prior to engaging in conversation. What is the point of this talk? Are you on the brink of your first time with this woman, and so you need to discuss safety precautions and all of that other un-fun stuff? Go over the points you need to cover in your head, like birth control, if you’ve both been tested for STDs, etc. Then come up with a good way to start the conversation. Feel free to start off by saying that you know this isn’t the sexiest thing ever, but you feel like you two will be sleeping together soon, and you need to discuss a few things.

Having a sense of humor can help, too. Once the two of you are talking, if things get uncomfortable or you

The time to have the talk is when you're both in a good mood.

have a hard time fully addressing the topic at hand, try to laugh about it if possible. If something embarrassing happened the last time you slept together, and you know you can’t just let it slide without addressing it, keep it as lighthearted as possible. That doesn’t mean you should laugh at or mock your partner if they were the root of the embarrassment—that would be a terrible idea! It does mean that you should have a sense of humor about yourself and your own embarrassment.

Finally, timing can be everything. Never have a conversation about sex immediately after you’ve done it. Wait until a time when you’re both in generally good moods and aren’t so busy that you’ll rush through the conversation. Keep it private—there’s no reason to discuss your sex life when you’re on public transportation or at a quiet restaurant. If the tone of the conversation starts to get argumentative or accusatory, take a deep breath and suggest a break until you can both calm down.

If you time your conversation right and plan ahead appropriately, the sex talk you’ve been fearing could go a lot better than you’d think. Just don’t stress out and keep things calm and light, and you’ll breeze through that dreaded convo in no time.