For many people, discovering that his or her partner has been with another person is devastating and can even indicate the end of the relationship. However, for some adventurous folks, this is just another Friday night. Increasingly, our country is becoming more open-minded about sexual activities. Threesomes, open relationships, and swinging are becoming less taboo and more common. Yet, regardless of their rising popularity, these acts may not be for every couple.
Also known as a ménage a trios, the threesome is no stranger to the world of sex. As long as two people have been engaging in coitus, there have likely been threesomes going on, as well. The appeal is easy to see: if one partner is good, two are even better. It takes the simple act up a notch. It can be a casual tryst among strangers or it can add spice to a long-running relationship.
Open relationships, on the other hand, is often seen as a “last resort” for a failing marriage. However, some couples may believe that “no one person can fulfill all of their needs,” which is why they choose to step outside of the marriage (and away from their spouses) to fill that need. In some cases, the spouse may not be able to physically (or want to) engage in sex, whether due to impotence or just lack of a sex drive. Together, they may decide that they will open up that portion of their marriage to outsiders. Though it is sometimes confused with infidelity, an open relationship must be acknowledged by both partners in order to be considered as such.
Falling under the category of open relationships, swinging is another sexual activity performed by some of the more adventurous folks. However, it differs because, rather than each person going out and finding a sexual partner, they “swap” with another couple. The husband of Couple #1, for example, will have sex with the wife of Couple #2 and vice versa.
With each of these acts, you are bringing another person (or several) into your relationship. This can almost certainly take a toll, if you are not careful. Your partner could become jealous at seeing you with another person. You could find yourself falling in love with the husband of the couple with which you swing. And, as with any casual sex situation, you open yourself up to possible infections or diseases if you don’t use proper protection.
Nevertheless, you can take precautions to ensure that, while your sex life may be rocking, your marriage won’t get rocky. Before opening up your relationship in any way, you and your partner must be on the same page. Talk about what you hope to gain from having sex with strangers. Is it for fun and excitement in an otherwise great marriage…or just a way to put a Band-Aid on existing problems? If so, you can just toss the relationship aside now, because no amount of wild sex with strangers will fix the underlying problem.
You can’t help who you fall in love with, though it is true some types of people are better left alone. One type may include your boss or coworker. However, while workplace romances can sometimes lead colleagues to live happily ever after, it is more likely to lead them to disaster.
Before you do anything, before you even finish reading this article, pick up a copy of your company’s policy on workplace relationships. Some places turn a blind eye where colleagues of similar ranking are concerned; other places strictly prohibit these relationships. (While employees of the same position are not terribly concerning for a company, they will very rarely allow a manager to date his/her subordinate.) It is best to know where your employer stands from the very start.
If your company looks down on interoffice relationships, what comes next? As calloused as it may be, you need to evaluate your relationship. Are you in it for the long-term? Are you willing to lose or change jobs in order to sustain your relationship? Because it may come down to that. Depending on your office’s environment, it can be very difficult to keep this hidden. You must assume coworkers will find out in some way. If you decide that you will still pursue the relationship, you should sit down together and discuss who should be the one to find a new job—in the event that such a step becomes necessary.
If your work is okay with the situation and you are both committed to staying together, be open with your manager/s right away. Reveal the nature of your relationship and explain your plan or ideas to not let this affect your work. That is the main thing managers worry about: how will this dalliance negatively impact the company? Nip their concerns in the bud by being proactive. They will appreciate your show of professionalism amidst the new development of your personal life.
First comes love, then comes the no-brainers of any interoffice relationship. Just because everyone now knows about your liaison doesn’t mean you are in the clear now. There are some things you need to know about what not to do:
1. Do not bring your arguments to work. Not only is it unprofessional, it is also the fastest way to alienate both coworkers and each other.
2. Do not miss work together. I get it, sometimes you like to play hooky and spend the day at home together. But when you work together, this is a big no-no. Your manager will see right through your giddy “I really am sick! Honest!” call.
3. Do not share juicy details with coworkers. Trust me, they don’t want to hear about how you seduced their colleague with a strip-tease.
4. Finally, do not fool around at work. This is never a good idea. Sexy, sure. But with employees milling around (not to mention the possibility of surveillance cameras), it is far too easy to get caught, and this is one offense your manager will not let slide.
