You find yourself in a new city, whether it was for work, for school, or just for the heck of it. And while living in a new place has its perks (the ability to “start over” and to learn new things), it can also bring you loneliness. Here are some tips for finding a girlfriend in a new city.
The first thing you will need to know is that one rarely meets his or her mate without ever leaving home. You will have to socialize and put yourself out there. If you’re shy, this may be challenging at first. However, the more you get used to it, the easier it will become. Remember that no one knows you are shy until you act shy, so just pretend you are extroverted. With time, it will come more naturally.
How do you meet a mate when you barely know the area? Think about the places that are common to anywhere you go: libraries, museums, performance art facilities, etc. Figure out the name of these places (or just Google your city name and “library”), then sign up on their mailing list. Right away, you will be informed of upcoming events, from which you can decide what appeals to you. Remember, you can’t meet that special someone unless you try.
Another mailing list to join could be a charity organization. Are there any causes about which you feel strongly? Do you want to help in the fight against cancer? A simple Internet search will help you find charities in your city. While these get-togethers are for a greater cause, they are also a good place to meet others with interests like your own.
Hobbies are generally seen as the best way to meet your mate. They are, by nature, social gatherings in which you can get to know others with your same interests. Do you like working out, cooking, or dancing? Check your local recreation center for their offered courses in physical fitness, haute cuisine, or ballroom dancing. Rec centers are common in nearly every city, generally have low course costs, and bring together a variety of people.
A recent trend which has made dating in a new city easier is the creation of singles-directed websites. Nearly every large or metropolitan city has an associated singles website, such as SingleInDenver.com or GetWichitaSingles.com (or even your local Craigslist personals section). The Internet has certainly made dating more convenient. However, while you may be lulled into the comfortable anonymity of the Internet, don’t substitute it for a genuine social life.
Finally, think about places you visit anyways, then look at how you can get more involved. Do you go to church every week? Ask around to see if they have events for single members. How about through your work or school? Does anyone participate in happy hours or other social gatherings? Make yourself open and willing for love, and it will find you.
It’s Friday night. You’re at a bar with your girlfriends, drinking martinis and talking. Everywhere you look, good-looking men are standing with their own friends, laughing and looking around the room. No wedding bands that you can see. You want to make a connection. You’re hoping one of them will spot you among this room full of beautiful, available women and make a move, right?
Don’t wait for a man to pick you out of the crowd. Take the initiative! If you see a man you want to get to know, go talk to him. Strike up a conversation: ask him what he’s drinking, challenge him to a game of pool, or ask if he knows of any parties going on. For the shy girls, catch his eye, hold it for five seconds, smile, then look away. Do this a second time within a minute or two. These actions will go a long way in grabbing a man’s attention. Not only is this a good way to stand out in a crowd, but your self-confidence will shine like a beacon in the dim room.
If these things make you blush just thinking about it, take the easy road: play wingman to your more outgoing friend. The wingman’s goal is to help his or her friend in securing the person they are after, whether that is by talking about how great your friend is, entertaining the man’s friends so he can focus on your friend, or just by being there for support. In doing so, you have the option of getting to know the men without the pressure of trying to run the show yourself.
However, the most important way to ensure you draw men to you is to have a good time. No matter how beautiful a woman may be, if she scowls and pouts, she’s not likely to attract a man (or if she does, he will likely be turned off by her attitude shortly thereafter). I’ve heard attractive women complain time and time again, “I never get hit on at the bar!” Many times, it is because they give off a vibe that they are bored, disinterested, or just plain snobby. On the flip side, I have met women who were not considered as conventionally attractive as the others. Yet, their approachable, effervescent personalities drew men like moths to their bright spark.
Enjoy the night with your girlfriends, make jokes, smile, laugh, have a good time. You’ll come off as approachable and fun, and that is what men want when they go out with friends. Remember that you’ll have fun whether you meet a man or not. Your night out is first and foremost about hanging out and having a good time, right? Men are attracted to that self-assuredness that you will be happy whether they are around or not. Don’t rely on that possible connection to make or break your evening. That attitude is what will attract a man to you.
Short answer: no, but you need a job to keep a girlfriend.
That’s not exactly true, of course. Money is not everything and should definitely not be a factor in choosing a mate. Many women do not care about a man’s salary or what possible gifts he can give to her. That is a great quality to look for in a woman—and a potential girlfriend: the lack of superficial values. However, there are lots of reasons why you do need a job to keep a girlfriend.
Quite simply, a job shows that you work for your money. You are not a spoiled brat living off a trust fund. You are not mooching off of your parents. You pay for your own living expenses, handle your debts, and hopefully, even save for a rainy day. This shows you possess the basest form of adult responsibility to a woman.
A job shows a woman that you have ambitions or career goals. Maybe your current job as a grocery store cashier isn’t your life’s dream…but it could be that you are gaining experience to become a storeowner yourself someday. Dreams very rarely come true without a little work on your part. A woman with goals of her own will likely be put off by a man who appears to drift through life aimlessly.
Maybe you’ve been working at your current job for five months—or maybe five years. Either way, this is a way for a woman to gauge your stability (and to even use it as a relationship gauge). What is your work history like? Do you have a history of one-month-long assignments before you were fired? Did you quit as soon as the job lost its appeal or got too hard? If so, that may send up a red flag to a woman who is looking for commitment. How will she know you will stick out a relationship if you can’t even stick out a job?
Finally, a job shows that you’re capable. You’re capable of taking care of yourself, of keeping a job, of carrying yourself as a mature adult. This is especially important if you hope to one day get married, have a family with this woman, to buy a house. If you don’t even work, how will you achieve these milestones? Moreover, a job displays your skill set, what you’re good at. Productive skills are hard to find in the guy who lays around his parents’ basement all day.
More concretely (and with the near future in mind), without a job you will likely be short of cash at any given time. What will you do on dates? What if your new girlfriend wants to go bowling, but you’re broke? How will you celebrate her birthday? While money is certainly not essential to finding love, a boyfriend who either forces you to pay for him or holds you back from participating in fun activities is bound to become a burden very quickly.
