Author Archives: Kelli

Dating Trap: The Stickiness of a One-Night-Stand

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one_night_stand[1]One night, you went to the bar with a friend. You met a beautiful woman, hit it off right away, and you went home with her. You don’t need to make excuses or disguise it as something more meaningful. One-night-stands can be very fun, casual flings. If done correctly, you will think back on it fondly. However, there are certain sticky situations which can be brought about by such a rendezvous.

Do I sleep over?
Unfortunately, this is up to her, if it is her house in which you have found yourself romping. After the sex is over, pay close attention to her body language. Does she become standoffish or stop talking to you? That is a clear sign that she has had her fun and now wants you out. Put on your clothes, pick up your dignity from off the floor, and call a cab. However, if she is cuddly, playful, or chatty, she wants you to stay longer.

How do I get her out?
Let’s say you wind up at your place instead. If you are a gentleman, you will invite her to spend the night. If she refuses or if she stays, either way, you should offer to call her a cab or to drive her home right then or in the morning.

I don’t want to see her again.
Fortunately for you, this behavior is pretty much assumed from the start. If she asks afterward if she can see you again, you have two options: the truth and the lie. The truth will likely get you slapped, as you have just had your way with her and now she feels deceived. The lie (while I generally don’t condone lying) may be the better short-term option. “Yeah, definitely. We’ll go out soon,” then change the subject. If you can leave quickly without giving her your number, you will be in the clear. However, if she gets it and calls you later, now is the time to be honest and say, “I’m not really interested in a relationship right now.”

I do want to see her again.
Before she leaves (or you leave, as the case may be), ask her if you can see her again. Naturally, she will say yes so as to avoid an awkward situation (see above). Ask for her number, tell her how great she is, and how you can’t wait to see her again. However, be prepared for the cold shoulder, in the event that she just wanted a meaningless tryst.

What if I see her again unexpectedly?
This will undoubtedly happen if you frequent the same bar. How you react depends on how your one-night-stand went. If it was wonderful and amazing and worthy of telling your grandchildren about someday (although you won’t, of course), go and talk to her. Maybe you can make it a two-night-stand. But if it went badly or you said you would call and didn’t, well, the only thing to do is to run.

Dating Reservations for Three?

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Three SomeFor many people, discovering that his or her partner has been with another person is devastating and can even indicate the end of the relationship. However, for some adventurous folks, this is just another Friday night. Increasingly, our country is becoming more open-minded about sexual activities. Threesomes, open relationships, and swinging are becoming less taboo and more common. Yet, regardless of their rising popularity, these acts may not be for every couple.

Also known as a ménage a trios, the threesome is no stranger to the world of sex. As long as two people have been engaging in coitus, there have likely been threesomes going on, as well. The appeal is easy to see: if one partner is good, two are even better. It takes the simple act up a notch. It can be a casual tryst among strangers or it can add spice to a long-running relationship.

Open relationships, on the other hand, is often seen as a “last resort” for a failing marriage. However, some couples may believe that “no one person can fulfill all of their needs,” which is why they choose to step outside of the marriage (and away from their spouses) to fill that need. In some cases, the spouse may not be able to physically (or want to) engage in sex, whether due to impotence or just lack of a sex drive. Together, they may decide that they will open up that portion of their marriage to outsiders. Though it is sometimes confused with infidelity, an open relationship must be acknowledged by both partners in order to be considered as such.

Falling under the category of open relationships, swinging is another sexual activity performed by some of the more adventurous folks. However, it differs because, rather than each person going out and finding a sexual partner, they “swap” with another couple. The husband of Couple #1, for example, will have sex with the wife of Couple #2 and vice versa.

With each of these acts, you are bringing another person (or several) into your relationship. This can almost certainly take a toll, if you are not careful. Your partner could become jealous at seeing you with another person. You could find yourself falling in love with the husband of the couple with which you swing. And, as with any casual sex situation, you open yourself up to possible infections or diseases if you don’t use proper protection.

Nevertheless, you can take precautions to ensure that, while your sex life may be rocking, your marriage won’t get rocky. Before opening up your relationship in any way, you and your partner must be on the same page. Talk about what you hope to gain from having sex with strangers. Is it for fun and excitement in an otherwise great marriage…or just a way to put a Band-Aid on existing problems? If so, you can just toss the relationship aside now, because no amount of wild sex with strangers will fix the underlying problem.

Avoid Dating Land-Mines While Playing the Field

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The best part about dating is being able to meet lots of different people at once. You can get a feel for what type of people you like, dislike, want to see again, and want to forget you ever knew. When you aren’t ready to jump into a committed relationship just yet (or maybe you are, but haven’t found the right person to leap with), you may want to play the field.

Playing the field is essentially a casual approach to dating. You meet and date many different people, without committing to anyone. Your intention may be the discovery of your soul mate through process of elimination. Or maybe you just want to have fun. Regardless of your reasons for it, here are some ways to make your field-playing experience a positive one.

Be honest.
The quickest and most common way a man gets himself in trouble is by leading a girl on, with no intentions of seeing her again. Sure, he’s more likely to get action right away if he promises to call in the morning. However, honesty ensures no stalker-esque calls, no awkward chance encounters, and no hurt feelings. Be upfront and tell her, “I really like you, but I am not looking for a relationship.” Despite what some people may think, you can date without being in a relationship.

Be graceful.
If you are at a club, hitting on guys left and right, and you see a previous conquest walk in, either talk to him as a friend or tactfully duck out of the building. Go somewhere else. If you are going to stay, don’t ignore him in favor of more desirable men. Just because you don’t intend to carry out a relationship with him, it doesn’t mean you can’t remain friends.

Be realistic.
If you plan to date multiple people, expect that the people you date will also be dating multiple people. You cannot dictate how (or with whom) they spend their time. You cannot demand they be monogamous with you, if you are not exclusively seeing them.

Be safe.
Because you cannot stop a man you are casually dating from having sex with another woman, know the risks involved. You do not know what kind of protection they may be using (or not using), just as you do not know what kind of infections that person/s may be carrying. If you are going to engage in intercourse, always use protection.

Be open to love.
Sometimes love finds you even when you are adamantly avoiding it. If you have been casually dating a girl for months and find yourself wanting to see other women less and less, don’t ignore that feeling. If suddenly the field seems emptier and less fun, maybe you are ready to try more of an intimate setting? You have regaled friends with (and maybe even bragged about) stories of your single life, but if you feel like it is no longer the right path for you, don’t force it. Know when to drop your glove and leave the field altogether.