The Supremes once sang that “love don’t come easy, it’s a game of give and take.” Perhaps nowhere is that statement more true than in the bedroom. When one person in the relationship seems to be doing all of the work, and the other person is consistently on the receiving end, trouble starts to bubble up.
There are many ways that one partner can be left in the dust, and, unfortunately, guys are often the guilty party. Maybe you’ve been skipping out on foreplay out of laziness, resulting in orgasms for you, but none for your lady. Maybe your girlfriend or wife pleasures you orally on a fairly frequent basis, while you avoid going down on her because you don’t think it’s very enjoyable. No matter the scenario, if you’re shirking your share of the “work,” your partner is going to start feeling awfully resentful toward you.
Right about now, you might be thinking that it doesn’t really matter, because your girlfriend or wife doesn’t really seem to be complaining. You’re still getting to enjoy yourself, and maybe she doesn’t care, right? Keep up your bad habit of laziness, though, and you can bet your fun will start tapering off. Either your lady will assert herself and start complaining, or she’ll just cut back on providing you with all of the good stuff until you’re not getting anything at all. That, of course, won’t be good for anyone involved.
That’s why it’s important to pull your weight when it comes to sex. Next time your lady-friend wakes you up on a Saturday morning with a little trip down there, pay her back in kind. When she’s done, tell her to lie back, and then you should return the favor. Make a point to even the score, and you will be appreciated for it.
Of course, what if your wife or girlfriend is the one who has gotten lazy? How can you broach the subject without starting a fight? For one thing, try straight up asking. In a non-accusatory manner, try saying something along the lines of “I’m glad you enjoyed X, now do you think I could have a turn? It’s been awhile, and you know how much I love it when you do Y for me.” Note that making a point to flatter your lady’s skills here can only help you out. Nothing makes someone want to do something more than having the recipient make over how awesome they are at it.
If flattering and asking don’t get you anywhere, then you’re just going to have to have a discussion about the unevenness of your sex life. Pick a time when you’re both feeling pretty good (but not right before or after sex), and mention that you feel like things have gotten one-sided when it comes to sex. Calmly explain that you’re sure it’s not intentional, and ask if there’s anything wrong. Maybe your partner is stressed out or exhausted and just hasn’t been feeling like herself. Explain that you’re not mad in any way, but that you’d like to work with her to get back into a mutual groove.
If, by the way, you’re the one who’s guilty of slacking, do your mate a favor and hear her out on this topic. If she brings it up, make sure to listen respectfully and really think about your lack of effort of late. Is there something wrong on your end? Promise to make more of an effort, but ask for her patience if exhaustion or stress is at the root of your problem. In the end, if both of you are willing to work together, you’ll get back on track and start loving sex just as much as you did back when you first started having it together.