Everyone wants the best for themselves. Whether you’re looking for a new home, a new a job, or a new significant other, you want to find the best option out there and hold on to it for as long as you can. When it comes to things like a home or job, we’re often willing to accept a few flaws, as long as we get the majority of what we want. With significant others, however, many people feel they can’t settle for anything less than perfect. The problem with that is that human beings can never be one hundred percent perfect. If you’ve been rejecting potential mate after potential mate, you might very well be falling prey to unrealistic expectations. You need to take the time to consider whether or not your standards are too high.

There are a few strong indicators that your standards may be unreasonable. If you’re generally upset that you don’t have a significant other, yet you repeatedly overlook potential partners because none of them seem good enough for you, your overly high expectations could be the problem. If you regularly break up with boyfriends or girlfriends early on in your relationship because they just don’t seem to hack it, that’s also an indicator that your standards may be out of whack. If either or both of these scenarios sound like you, it’s time to ask yourself some hard questions.

Think back and ask yourself why you’ve rejected or broken up with the last few people who’ve shown interest in you. Were the reasons legitimate? If they cheated on you, treated you poorly, or you had zero sexual chemistry, that’s normal. If they were a generally great person, and you turned them down because you didn’t like their hair cut or the way they dressed, your standards are in need of an adjustment. You have to accept that life isn’t like a romance movie. A perfect and flawless man or woman isn’t just going to waltz into your life, because no one is perfect or flawless. That doesn’t mean you have to go out on a date with the first person that shows interest. It just means that you have to pick and choose what areas and traits are more important to you than others.

So what is important to you? What can’t you live without in a partner? You should be able to say that you’re willing to accept someone who’s not as tall or thin as you’d prefer as long as they’re funny, intelligent, and have good physical chemistry with you. Maybe you’ve always held out for someone who’s really wealthy or has a high powered career, but now you can see that you might be happier with that teacher who’s got a great smile and a rapier wit. You should also remember that some things that seem important to you right now won’t seem all that important fifteen or twenty years from now. Looks fade, and even the most striving careerist can get laid off from work unexpectedly. In your search to find someone who can make you happy in the long term, the important traits to consider are those that will get you through the bad times. Hold out for the things that will matter even when you’re old and gray, poor or sick, etc.

If you can learn to let go of the things that don’t matter as much in the long run, you may surprise yourself. Suddenly that person who seemed pretty great except for one or two small flaws actually just is pretty great. The funny thing about love is that the longer you’re with someone, the more their good traits seem to override their less desirable ones. You may look back in a year or two and laugh about the fact that you ever even considered letting someone’s slightly oversized ears or love of all things Star Trek come between you and true love.